Comments on: What Could be Hiding in your Emotional Closet? http://thesgrsite.com/universallawofattraction/law-of-attraction-coaches/what-could-be-hiding-in-your-emotional-closet/ The Universal law of attraction coaches like Bob Proctor Jack Canfield Michael Beckwith John Assaraf and others are back to help us understand the universal law of attraction in a better way to attract abundance ! Thu, 09 Feb 2012 04:49:09 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: "P" is for Piano http://thesgrsite.com/universallawofattraction/law-of-attraction-coaches/what-could-be-hiding-in-your-emotional-closet/comment-page-1/#comment-3187 "P" is for Piano Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:15:59 +0000 http://thesgrsite.com/universallawofattraction/law-of-attraction-coaches/what-could-be-hiding-in-your-emotional-closet/#comment-3187 I actually like it alot. I wouldn't use complex wording as I think it works well as a contemporary piece rather than a classic piece. It has my attention so far and that's hard to do as I have the attention span of a goldfish xD. It really does tug at my heart strings, I think you have quite a deep and interesting protagonist here with alot of potential to develop. I'm quite interested to see where this is going. Also I would describe his surroundings abit more to give the reader an idea of where he is. :-) I like and good luck with it. And do we have a title yet? :-D EDIT: Ignore Laughing Mcdonald, He's just being a prick.<br><b>References : </b><br>Me, Myself Und Ich! I actually like it alot. I wouldn’t use complex wording as I think it works well as a contemporary piece rather than a classic piece. It has my attention so far and that’s hard to do as I have the attention span of a goldfish xD.

It really does tug at my heart strings, I think you have quite a deep and interesting protagonist here with alot of potential to develop. I’m quite interested to see where this is going. Also I would describe his surroundings abit more to give the reader an idea of where he is. :-)

I like and good luck with it.

And do we have a title yet? :-D

EDIT: Ignore Laughing Mcdonald, He’s just being a prick.
References :
Me, Myself Und Ich!

]]> By: Metric Summer http://thesgrsite.com/universallawofattraction/law-of-attraction-coaches/what-could-be-hiding-in-your-emotional-closet/comment-page-1/#comment-3186 Metric Summer Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:13:59 +0000 http://thesgrsite.com/universallawofattraction/law-of-attraction-coaches/what-could-be-hiding-in-your-emotional-closet/#comment-3186 I like it. The idea is good- but where will you take it? Try not to give away too much information at the beginning- the trying to kill himself part- might turn a lot of readers off maybe throw that in the story a little later. A lot of gay people may relate to this though, because I've been there...I've been that boy- excpet I'm a girl... I would read it, but you need a little bit of work on the wording. I just would like to know where it's going? What is the plot- just of him running from his problems? Will it be depressing, or will it be a story of triumph? That might be a very hard story to get published..you'll just have to go to the right publishers...<br><b>References : </b><br> I like it. The idea is good- but where will you take it?

Try not to give away too much information at the beginning- the trying to kill himself part- might turn a lot of readers off maybe throw that in the story a little later. A lot of gay people may relate to this though, because I’ve been there…I’ve been that boy- excpet I’m a girl… I would read it, but you need a little bit of work on the wording. I just would like to know where it’s going? What is the plot- just of him running from his problems? Will it be depressing, or will it be a story of triumph?

That might be a very hard story to get published..you’ll just have to go to the right publishers…
References :

]]> By: Sasha L http://thesgrsite.com/universallawofattraction/law-of-attraction-coaches/what-could-be-hiding-in-your-emotional-closet/comment-page-1/#comment-3185 Sasha L Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:11:48 +0000 http://thesgrsite.com/universallawofattraction/law-of-attraction-coaches/what-could-be-hiding-in-your-emotional-closet/#comment-3185 <b>Could someone tell me what they think of the beginning of my novel?</b><br>The purpose of the story is to show the emotional imbalance shown by kids aged 12-15 (roughly): ----------------------------- Marcos sat silently, staring out the window into the gloomy night. Heavy rain thudded against his window, and he wished that it could drown out the sound of his parents fighting. As he stared into the abyss, a single thought crossed his mind. It was one that he had given much consideration; he had even made an emergency kit just in case. It was a good thought to him, his mother and father did not seem to notice him anymore, nor did they seem to notice if they hurt him. In fact, it seemed as though they would be better off if he left. He continued to gaze through his window, imagining what it would be like to just get up and leave. Would his parent’s look for him? He thought maybe, just maybe, they would go to tuck him in at night and he wouldn’t be there, and they would get scared and call the police and finally find him down by the lake at the spot where his father would take him fishing. His happy thoughts turned to tears, though, for he knew it wouldn’t be like that. His parents never tucked him in at night. They never even hugged him or said the words ‘I love you’ out loud. They expected it to be implied. More than that, his father never took him to do any sort of activity, let alone fishing! So, what if he did run away? Where would Marcos go? He had no family to run to. His grandparents had all passed away, his parents where both only child’s and he had no older siblings to turn to. He had a baby sister, but that was all. Friends? No, he had no friends. At school the other children would pick on him, and he would cry. They all knew him well, and they knew how to make him hurt. Unconsciously, he rubber his scarred wrists; he had once tried to kill himself, and continued cutting himself since then after he realized that he could control himself that way. He could feel pain, and he knew he was human. Would he go to teachers? How could he? He didn’t know where his teachers lived, and even if he did find them, they would just call his parents. He desperately wanted his teachers to notice him. He left poems in the classrooms, hoping one would find it and read it and look deep enough to see how depressed he really was. It never happened though. The poems disappeared but no teacher ever seemed to notice him. He was sobbing now, squeezing his pillow between his chest and his knees. He imagined his mom’s arms around him, hugging him. He pretended that she was rub his back and smile and him and say ‘I love you, baby. Mommy’s here’ and everything would be better. Or his father would hug him and they could sit and have a man-to-man talk. He thought that was how it was supposed to work. He watched television a lot and the families were always doing things like that. The kids never hid under their bed just because it was dark and quiet, or in the closet, because it made them feel safer. The kids on TV didn’t need to feel safer. This made him angry now and he through his pillow away from him. He was tired of feeling scared. Tired of being lonely, and tired of being upset! He wanted to get out of there. Run, and never stop. ----------------------- what do you think of it so far? does it grab your attention? does it make you expect anything? what would you change? would you request more complex wording? or are the ones I chose appropriate? PS: I'm not sure which catagory to put this in, and my protagonist is going to be gay so this one gets it :) lol, Laughing McDonald, I'm questioning, and my avitar is my real picture. I have a better one there but I'm having trouble changing it. my good ones on my messenger. Metric Summer, the story is influenced by a game (a very very messed up game) my best friend and I played when I was 8. I am concidering the plot to be the boy finds himself being molested, but I don't know if that will cause too much controversy. the story is also going to be more realistic, he will eventually run away, but he'll be back before bed time (like I did) "P" is for Piano, I don't have a title yet, no, I always feel it's best to wait until the end, I will fiddle with the setting a bit though, thanks :) Could someone tell me what they think of the beginning of my novel?
The purpose of the story is to show the emotional imbalance shown by kids aged 12-15 (roughly):
—————————–
Marcos sat silently, staring out the window into the gloomy night. Heavy rain thudded against his window, and he wished that it could drown out the sound of his parents fighting.
As he stared into the abyss, a single thought crossed his mind. It was one that he had given much consideration; he had even made an emergency kit just in case. It was a good thought to him, his mother and father did not seem to notice him anymore, nor did they seem to notice if they hurt him. In fact, it seemed as though they would be better off if he left.
He continued to gaze through his window, imagining what it would be like to just get up and leave. Would his parent’s look for him? He thought maybe, just maybe, they would go to tuck him in at night and he wouldn’t be there, and they would get scared and call the police and finally find him down by the lake at the spot where his father would take him fishing.
His happy thoughts turned to tears, though, for he knew it wouldn’t be like that. His parents never tucked him in at night. They never even hugged him or said the words ‘I love you’ out loud. They expected it to be implied. More than that, his father never took him to do any sort of activity, let alone fishing!
So, what if he did run away? Where would Marcos go? He had no family to run to. His grandparents had all passed away, his parents where both only child’s and he had no older siblings to turn to. He had a baby sister, but that was all.
Friends? No, he had no friends. At school the other children would pick on him, and he would cry. They all knew him well, and they knew how to make him hurt. Unconsciously, he rubber his scarred wrists; he had once tried to kill himself, and continued cutting himself since then after he realized that he could control himself that way. He could feel pain, and he knew he was human.
Would he go to teachers? How could he? He didn’t know where his teachers lived, and even if he did find them, they would just call his parents. He desperately wanted his teachers to notice him. He left poems in the classrooms, hoping one would find it and read it and look deep enough to see how depressed he really was. It never happened though. The poems disappeared but no teacher ever seemed to notice him.
He was sobbing now, squeezing his pillow between his chest and his knees. He imagined his mom’s arms around him, hugging him. He pretended that she was rub his back and smile and him and say ‘I love you, baby. Mommy’s here’ and everything would be better. Or his father would hug him and they could sit and have a man-to-man talk.
He thought that was how it was supposed to work. He watched television a lot and the families were always doing things like that. The kids never hid under their bed just because it was dark and quiet, or in the closet, because it made them feel safer. The kids on TV didn’t need to feel safer.
This made him angry now and he through his pillow away from him. He was tired of feeling scared. Tired of being lonely, and tired of being upset! He wanted to get out of there. Run, and never stop.
———————–
what do you think of it so far? does it grab your attention? does it make you expect anything? what would you change? would you request more complex wording? or are the ones I chose appropriate?

PS: I’m not sure which catagory to put this in, and my protagonist is going to be gay so this one gets it :)
lol, Laughing McDonald, I’m questioning, and my avitar is my real picture. I have a better one there but I’m having trouble changing it. my good ones on my messenger.
Metric Summer, the story is influenced by a game (a very very messed up game) my best friend and I played when I was 8. I am concidering the plot to be the boy finds himself being molested, but I don’t know if that will cause too much controversy. the story is also going to be more realistic, he will eventually run away, but he’ll be back before bed time (like I did)
"P" is for Piano, I don’t have a title yet, no, I always feel it’s best to wait until the end, I will fiddle with the setting a bit though, thanks :)

]]>